Your Anxiety and Depression Are Talking. Here's What They're Trying to Say.

Anxiety and depression overlap with many people experiencing symptoms of both, or feel their low mood is tangled with constant worry. This has its roots in our neurobiology and also how we interpret our experiences. While anxiety and depression are distinct experiences, they often feed each other in a cycle. Effective therapy works by understanding this unique interplay for each person.

This article offers a framework to understand the distinct roots of depression and anxiety. We'll explore why generic approaches often fail, pose reflective questions to help you identify what your own system is asking for, and outline how therapy can provide a tailored pathway forward if this resonates with you.

The Neurobiology of Anxiety and Depression

While the terms "anxiety" and "depression" are useful shorthand, they often mask a more complex reality. What we experience stem from different, deeply rooted emotional systems in the brain. According to the foundational affective neuroscience research of Jaak Panksepp (1998), all mammals share seven basic emotional systems. Understanding which of these systems is primarily driving your distress is key to finding an approach that helps.

Panksepp's work suggests that what we call depression often involves a shutdown of one of two core systems:

1. The SEEKING System: This is our innate curiosity and desire system, fuelled by dopamine. When this system is under-active, the world loses its colour and appeal, leading to the classic symptoms of apathy, anhedonia (inability to feel pleasure), and a profound sense of pointlessness.

   
   

2. The PANIC/GRIEF System: This system governs attachment and social bonding. Its activation in response to real or perceived separation, loss, or social rejection can manifest as a depression characterised by intense loneliness, worthlessness, and somatic grief. This same system is also a primary source of a specific type of anxiety—one rooted in the panic of abandonment and the terror of being alone.

Conversely, anxiety is frequently linked to the over-activation of the fear system (leading to hyper-vigilance and dread about future threats).

This distinction is clinically vital. It explains why generic advice can fail. For instance:

• Grounding techniques can be excellent for calming an over-activated FEAR system, but may feel irrelevant to the deep, relational ache of the PANIC/GRIEF system, which responds to connection and secure attachment.

  
  

• Similarly, behavioural activation might help jump-start a sluggish SEEKING system, but could feel overwhelming to someone whose depression is an expression of relational grief and shame.

To help clarify, let's look at how these different underlying systems manifest in our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours.

Aspect	Anxiety ‘Type 1’ (The Fear/Threat System)	Anxiety ‘Type 2’ (The Panic/Grief System)
Underlying Emotional System	FEAR: Responds to immediate, tangible danger or threat.	SOCIAL CONNECTION/GRIEF: Responds to both positive and negative experiences of companionship, social (dis)connection, separation, loss
Primary Emotion	Fear, apprehension, dread about a perceived future threat.	Panic at the prospect of being alone or abandoned; a deep sense of insecurity in relationships.
Energy State	Hyper-arousal: Nervous system is over-activated, senses are heightened, body is on alert.	Agitated Hypo-arousal: A mix of shutdown (collapse, numbness) and bids for connection. Can feel like "freeze" with a desperate edge or feeling powerless
Focus	"What if..." Anticipation of threat, danger, or failure. Scanning the environment for threats.	"Do they care?" Fear of abandonment, rejection, or being unlovable. Hyper-focus on social cues and relationship security.
Thought Patterns	Catastrophising, overestimation of risk, "I can't handle this.", racing "what-if" scenarios about external events.	Relational monitoring: "Are they mad at me?" "Did I say something wrong?" "I'm going to end up alone.", reading others' intentions, paranoia about being disliked, ignored or rejected.
Physical Experience	Restlessness, muscle tension, racing heart, shallow breath, feeling "wired but tired."	The sensations often mirror that of loss, separation or heartache, tight throat (suppressed cry), a deep visceral emptiness.
Common Behaviours	Avoidance of specific triggers, restlessness, difficulty relaxing, and safety-seeking rituals.	Drive to restore connection, reassurance-seeking, clinginess, people-pleasing, difficulty tolerating solitude, or pre-emptive withdrawal to avoid rejection.

Aspect	Depression ‘Type 1’ (The Seeking/Desire System)	Depression ‘Type 2’ (The Panic/Grief System)
Underlying Emotional System	THE SEEKING SYSTEM: The brain's motivational engine for curiosity, engagement, and pursuing goals.	SOCIAL CONNECTION/GRIEF: Responds to both positive and negative experiences of companionship, social (dis)connection, separation, loss
Primary Emotion	Apathy, anhedonia (inability to feel pleasure), profound boredom, and a sense of pointlessness about life itself.	Profound sadness, loneliness, worthlessness, and shame rooted in a feeling of being unloved, unwanted, or fundamentally broken or flawed in relationships.
Energy State	Hypo-arousal: The nervous system is under-activated, leading to profound lethargy, mental and physical slowing, and a drained battery.	Anguished hypo-arousal. It combines the heavy numbness of shutdown with the psychic pain of grief, often feeling restless yet trapped.
Focus	"What's the point?" "Nothing matters." A loss of meaning, direction, and interest. The world seems futile and not worth engaging with.	"I am unlovable." A focus on personal deficiency, loss, and relational failure. The self is perceived as the problem.
Thought Patterns	Pessimism, cynicism, thoughts that "nothing matters" or will ever feel good again.	Intense self-criticism, rumination on past relational failures, thoughts of being a burden, and pervasive shame ("I'm not worth attention/love").
Physical Experience	Lethargy or profound fatigue, significant changes in sleep (often hypersomnia) and appetite, a sense of moving through mud.	Aching chest, a lump in the throat, feeling physically hollow or empty. May include agitation, insomnia, and panic-like symptoms.
Common Behaviours	Withdrawal from all activities (even previously loved ones), neglect of basic responsibilities and self-care, social isolation, lack of motivation	Hiding one's true state to avoid burdening others while remaining some form of connection, mimicking the behaviour that is expected of you, shutting down in relationships or maintaining distance

How Anxiety and Depression Can Fuel Each Other, AND Existing Internal Narratives:

Understanding these distinct types helps us see how anxiety and depression often intertwine, sometimes actively sustaining each other and often reinforcing painful internal narratives. For effective change to occur, first we need to discern which emotional systems are in distress.

Common Interplays:

• Fear ➔ Seeking Shutdown ("The Burnout Cycle"): When your Fear system is constantly activated—scanning for threats, bracing for catastrophe—the mental and physical exhaustion is profound. This relentless state of high alert can deplete your Seeking system, draining your curiosity, motivation, and capacity for joy. The result is a depression born of exhaustion: "Why engage with a world that feels so dangerous and draining?"

  
  

• Panic ➔ Grief ("The Loneliness Cycle"): Here, the Panic system's terror of abandonment and rejection fuels the Grief system. The anxious thought, "They might leave me," hardens into the depressive belief, "I am unlovable and will always be alone." This can create a loop: the fear of being unworthy pushes people away (or leads to pre-emptive withdrawal), which then seems to confirm the belief of being unlovable, deepening the despair.

While many people experience a mix, one system often acts as the primary driver. Both anxiety and depression can stem from similar roots: past trauma, loss, chronic stress, or unmet core needs for safety, connection, and autonomy. The difference lies in our unique, personal interpretation of these experiences. It is this meaning-making—the story of our pain—that makes each person's struggle profoundly individual.

Finding Your Pattern: Questions for Self-Reflection

To begin untangling your own experience, you might ask yourself:

"Does my low mood feel more like exhaustion from constant worry, or a deep sense of emptiness?"

• If it's exhaustion from worry: This may point to an overactive Fear System, where the energy drain of constant vigilance has led to burnout and shutdown.

• If it's a deep emptiness: This often signals an underactive Seeking System (loss of meaning) or the hollow ache of the Panic/Grief System (relational loss).

"Is my primary struggle with a frantic, fearful mind, or a profound lack of motivation and pleasure?"

• A frantic, fearful mind is the hallmark of an overactive Fear System.

• A lack of motivation/pleasure (anhedonia) is a core feature of a depressed Seeking System.

"Do I feel overwhelmed by 'too much' (anxious energy, emotion), or drained by 'too little' (numbness, flatness)?"

• Feeling "too much" aligns with hyper-arousal.

• Feeling "too little" aligns with hypo-arousal (Seeking shutdown or Grief-based depression).

"Am I scared to be truly known by others?"

• A 'yes' here is a powerful indicator of the Panic/Grief System at work. This fear of exposure often stems from a deep-seated belief that your true self is unworthy of connection, fueling both social anxiety and relational depression.

Self-reflection is a skill that we develop over time and can reveal deep insights about how we see ourselves, others and the world. However, untangling deep, often subconscious cycles on your own can sometimes feel unattainable. This is precisely where therapy becomes invaluable.

Therapy for Anxiety and Depression

Therapy moves beyond identifying patterns and provides a place to more deeply understand, compassionately challenge, and ultimately rethink and reshape the cycles that keep you stuck. A skilled therapist doesn't just ask about your symptoms and try to resolve them but seeks to work with you to understand what your anxiety and depression are trying to communicate and what they are protecting you from.

In my work with clients, the goal is to build a relationship safe enough for your protective strategies to stand down so you can step back from managing your symptoms and begin to meet the parts of you they're protecting and the raw emotions: the anger, the rejection, the fear, the pain. This approach is influenced by models like Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, which views the mind as a system of distinct 'parts,' each with its own valuable role and perspective. This work changes the internal power structure. The result isn't that the fear or pain disappears. It's that it loses its urgency. It becomes a signal you can notice and respond to, rather than your entire reality.

Untangling anxiety and depression is a personal journey. This framework offers clarity, but transforming understanding into change often requires a guide. If these cycles feel familiar and you're ready to explore their roots, I invite you to reach out.

References

Panksepp, J., & Biven, L. (2012). The Archaeology of Mind: Neuroevolutionary Origins of Human Emotions. W.W. Norton & Company.

Panksepp, J. (1998). Affective Neuroscience: The Foundations of Human and Animal Emotions. Oxford University Press. 

Perry, B. D. (2009). Examining child maltreatment through a neurodevelopmental lens: Clinical applications of the neurosequential model of therapeutics. Journal of Loss and Trauma, 14(4), 240–255.

Perry, B. D., & Winfrey, O. (2021). What happened to you?: Conversations on trauma, resilience, and healing. Flatiron Books.

Schwartz, R. C. (1995). Internal family systems therapy. The Guilford Press