Feeling Lost? How Might Existential Therapy Help?

Not Living for 'The They'

“Life has no meaning. The moment we become aware of this, we must set about creating one.”— Jean-Paul Sartre, 1946

When I first read this quote in a dog-eared philosophy book on meaning, I found it confronting, even unsettling. It challenges the concept that a pre-ordained purpose is waiting to be discovered. But what if your anxiety and feeling of being lost weren't malfunctions, but signals? From an existentialist perspective, this is your consciousness waking up to a fundamental truth: you are free. This is the "thrill and dread" of existence: the responsibility to create your own values, your own path, your own "why." This is why, as Heidegger (1962) pointed out, living by someone else’s expectations feels so hollow. You're performing a role written for an audience of “the they”.

Existential therapy is the practice of leaning into this uncomfortable sense of lostness. It's about exploring the idea that perhaps there isn’t a map for you to follow, and it’s time to start creating your own. And perhaps that terrifying void of meaninglessness does hold meaning: the meaning you choose to create.

What is Existential Therapy?

Existentialism emerged from the cafés and lecture halls of post-war Europe in the mid-20th century. In the shadow of immense global suffering and the disillusionment of two world wars, thinkers like Sartre, de Beauvoir, and Camus wrestled with the concept of a world without a divine presence. They proposed that if there is no divinely mandated purpose for each of us, then we must become the authors of our own lives. This philosophy—centred on freedom, responsibility, and the courage to create meaning - offered such a compelling framework for understanding human struggle that it naturally evolved into existential therapy.

So, what is existential therapy in practice? It focuses on the core challenges of being human, creating a supportive space to explore life's biggest questions. At its heart are a few key propositions:

• We are free. It is the freedom to determine not just what we do, but how we live—the attitudes we adopt and the meaning we assign to our experiences.

• We are responsible. This freedom is inseparable from responsibility. We are accountable for the life we author and the values we live by. To outsource this task is to live inauthentically.

• We create meaning. In a universe without inherent meaning, our values and significance are not given; they are chosen and cultivated through how we live. When this meaning collapses or feels absent, we experience the "void" or "lostness"

As an existential therapist, I see myself as a fellow traveller, committed to asking honest questions. Together, we will explore how you've made sense of your world and confront the fundamental questions of life that give rise to existential anxiety, disconnection and loss of meaning (How I Work).

The Four Pillars of Existence

Existential therapy seeks to address the core “givens” of human existence. While these universal conditions are the same for everyone, they manifest uniquely in each person's life, shaping our deepest anxieties and our greatest possibilities.

Pillar 1: Death & Impermanence

• The Concern: The awareness that life is finite and can end at any moment, everything we are and have is impermanent.

• Possible Symptoms: Anxiety, feeling like life is pointless, or conversely, a frantic pursuit of distractions to avoid the thought.

• The Therapeutic Shift: Exploring how the reality of death can be a powerful motivator to live more authentically and appreciate the present moment.

Pillar 2: Freedom & Responsibility

• The Concern: We are free to make our own choices and are therefore responsible for our lives.

• Possible Symptoms: Feeling trapped, blaming others or circumstances, "analysis paralysis" or procrastination, fear of making the wrong choice.

• The Therapeutic Shift: Moving from "I have to" to "I choose to." Learning to embrace freedom and own your decisions which can be both terrifying and empowering.

Pillar 3: Isolation & Connection

• The Concern: The fundamental truth that we are born alone and die alone (existential isolation), yet we deeply crave connection with others.

• Possible Symptoms: Loneliness, struggling with relationships, feeling that no one truly understands you.

• The Therapeutic Shift: Learning to form authentic connections from a place of self-awareness, rather than out of desperation or fear.

Pillar 4: Meaning & Meaninglessness

• The Concern: The universe itself may not have inherent meaning, leaving us to create it for ourselves.

• Possible Symptoms: A feeling of emptiness, asking "What's the point?", listlessness, depression

• The Therapeutic Shift: Shifting from searching for a single, pre-existing meaning to creating meaning through our actions, relationships, values, and responses to suffering.

Who is This For?

This approach may be right for you if:

• You’re going through a major life transition (career change, breakup, retirement, empty nest).

• You feel "stuck", disconnected or are just "going through the motions" of life.

• You’re experiencing anxiety that feels vague or all-encompassing, a general unease about life itself rather than a specific threat.

• You are grappling with feelings of regret and questioning the path your life has taken.

• You have tried other therapies focused on symptom reduction, but want to better understand the root of them

• You feel a deep sense of isolation or loneliness, even when surrounded by others.

• You're experiencing a persistent sense of meaninglessness, emptiness, or "the void."

• You’re asking "big questions" about purpose, mortality, and their place in the world.

  
  

The Work Ahead

The process of existential therapy provides you with the opportunity to be open about the questions you have and the issues you face, without being rushed into any answers, and perhaps developing a more courageous and curious relationship with the unknown.

I have frequently found that feeling lost is often not a sign of being broken, but a sign of being awake to something new emerging.

“Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved … The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy … Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all. We try to do what we think is going to help. But we don’t know. We never know if we’re going to fall flat or sit up tall. When there’s a big disappointment, we don’t know if that’s the end of the story. It may be just the beginning of a great adventure.”

—  Pema Chödrön, 1997

Author:

Sarah Adele, Integrative and Existential Psychotherapist in Southsea, Portsmouth and Online

References:

Chödrön, P. (1997). When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times. Boston, MA: Shambhala Publications.

Heidegger, M. (1962) Being and Time. Translated by J. Macquarrie and E. Robinson. Oxford: Blackwell Publishing.

Sartre, J.P. Lecture (L'existentialisme est un humanisme) given in 1946. Published (2007) Existentialism is a Humanism. New Haven: Yale University Press.